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Why Do People Love BDSM? A Beginner's Video Guide by Tawney Seren

BDSM is a lifestyle for some and a mystery to others. Tawney Seren helps explore why some people embrace BDSM and the benefits that can be found in exploring your kinky side. 

About Tawney:

Tawney Seren is an author, adult industry assistant/guide, reviewer, and avid reader who loves educating others and herself about the big world of sex. In her free time, she enjoys spending time with her husband and doggo in the Pacific Northwest, writing to-do lists, tackling new projects, and watching re-runs of her favorite shows. You can find her blogging at openbobsbb.com

Why Do People Love BDSM? A Beginner's Video Guide by Tawney Seren Video Transcript


Hey everybody, it’s Tawney Seren here with Naughty Betty's, and today we're going to talk about why people do BDSM.

Why do people turn to BDSM? What can it bring to your life that might make it appealing to you to check it out? So for a lot of people, BDSM and that kind of kinkier community is somewhat of a taboo. It's not often that it's okay to chat about it with people. It's not often that it's brought up, and if you mentioned that you're into it, more often than not you're going to -- depending on your friends circle -- get a sort of odd response. It's not something that a lot of people fully understand, and it has plenty of benefits and reasons that people turn to it. Whether it's for sexual gratification or mental gratification, that can really assist.

So let's go into some of the reasons why people go into BDSM. So let's go with kind of one of the more basic aspects of it: they long for that bit of adventure. They want to learn a bit more about the different sensations and interactions they can have with their partner. So whether you've been having the same old vanilla sex for a really long time, or whether you're just kind of interested in something new and you haven't had a partner in a while, it can still be very appealing to dive into a world with so many different opportunities for roleplay, fetishes, actions, you know, pain … whatever the case there. You know, that ability to engulf yourself in something new, in a brand new adventure, can be very very appealing to couples and individuals alike.

So another thing that can be a big appeal for people is the opportunity to be able to verbalize more of what they want. So somebody might have an interest in BDSM or one of the many different tiers of BDSM, but they haven't had that comfort to explain it to a partner. I have to say the BDSM community is one of the most consensual, like, kind of, you know, focused group that I've ever encountered. I mean they keep saying keep it safe keep it consensual, like they want you to make sure that you are having those conversations with your partner, that you are telling them what you need, and that they're following them.

There's so much communication that goes along with having a very safe and fun BDSM scene with your partner that it really just kind of promotes that conversation which unfortunately in very basic dating is not something that we really talk about. Unfortunately it's something not a lot of people talk about. It all is about how important it is to verbalize your needs at once. There's so many times when I've spoken to my friends who've been married for a while or in long-term relationships, and they go oh I would never talk to my partner about that, or oh he would be far too embarrassed by that, like I couldn't ask him to do that for me.

And if you can't ask your partner to indulge in your fantasies, or at least to entertain the thought of them, or at least speak with you about them, then who can you talk to about it? That's the person or people that you're sharing your bed with. BDSM really promotes that conversation, and can provide you with an opportunity to lay out all of your wants and interests that you otherwise might not feel comfortable mentioning.

Another reason some turned to BDSM is trauma care. So there's been quite a few studies about how those with PTSD and severe trauma can use the control in BDSM to kind of start to break down some of that internal grief. So in a way for some it is a form of therapy. So whether they had a situation where they were out of control, or a situation where they felt that they had no say: when they can take on that position of a dom or take on that position of control, or even a submissive -- that is at least being able to have the control to stop it at a moment's notice, like we all should be able to. That can really provide them with a way to kind of take care of themselves, and take care of those thoughts swarming through their head, and that PTSD and the trauma that they've endured. So for some, not all, it is a great way to deal with some of those inner demons and kind of be able to take back some of that control in a position where they previously perhaps did not so. It can be a great way if you're experiencing that mental kind of that trauma.

So another reason is the very standard submissive and dominant. So there is that age-old, you know, kind of saying that, you know, CEO all day and then they want to be a sub when they get home. There is actually some truth to that. So although it is certainly a huge generalization, a lot of those who find that they really spend a lot of their day being in control and telling others what to do in organizing things, and having all of that put on themselves, they enjoy coming back and
being able to play this position of a sub where they've granted the control to somebody else and they don't have to come up with that stuff, or, you know, have to do those things or endure those worries any longer, because that control has been given to someone else who cares for them. And it's control they can still take back at any time. But for that scene they're giving it up. They're wiping their minds; they're allowing somebody else to tell them what to do and who to be, and for a lot of people that could be just as good as a meditation, just as good as a calming nap. It's a way to give yourself a break from all of the stresses that you endure, and to play a different role.

There's also another end to that, where if you're not really a controlling person, or you feel like things are a bit out of your control, being able to take that role where you're deciding for somebody else, and you're caring for somebody else by being that dom and being that caregiver for them while you instruct them as what to do and how to act, that can be a fantastic way to work out some of that need for you. In BDSM you're able to play a variety of different roles with your partner or partners. You're able to enter a lot of different mindsets. That can be calming, that can be healing, and that can ultimately really bring you both further together. Having that conversation is so predominant.

Make sure that it's consensual. Make sure that everything you're agreeing to is something that can easily be taken back, and that you're frequently talking with your partner. This sort of fun control escape and conversation is something a lot of people really strive to have, and I think it's just one of the very few reasons why BDSM is a very very alluring thing for people.

So I hope that this kind of has convinced you to look further into BDSM, and maybe bring some of it into the relationship that you have, and have so much fun with it!

Thank you all so much. Again, I’m Tawney Seren here with Naughty Betty's, and I've loved talking BDSM with you. Bye everybody.