Submission and dominance are key roles in BDSM play but what does it mean to be a submissive? And how do you express that desire to submit to your partner? Let Naughty Betty's resident sexpert Tawney Seren guide you through finding your submissive style in BDSM.
About Tawney:
Tawney Seren is an author, adult industry assistant/guide, reviewer, and avid reader who loves educating others and herself about the big world of sex. In her free time, she enjoys spending time with her husband and doggo in the Pacific Northwest, writing to-do lists, tackling new projects, and watching re-runs of her favorite shows. You can find her blogging at openbobsbb.com
What is Your Submissive Style and Role in BDSM: A Video Primer by Tawney Seren Video Transcript
Hey everybody, it’s Tawney Seren with Naughty Betty's, and today I'm going to talk about some of the different roles a submissive can have.
So this is kind of, if you're looking to dip your toes into BDSM and you're not sure where you stand, I'm gonna give you some generalized ideas of submissiveness so that you can kind of dip your foot in there and jump on in. Some people believe that if you're dominant you know you're 100% dominant all the time; if you're submissive you're constantly bending to someone else's will; and if you don't understand the different roles around that and the different tasks and different fun things that you can engage in, that might be where your mind stops in regards to submissiveness and dominance.
But no, it shouldn't. There's so many different ranges. For instance, I consider myself a switch but submissive dominant player, and if you don't know what that means and you don't know how, we can kind of work around that and play. Then I am here to let you know, but first we're gonna go to one extreme.
So I'm gonna go straight to slave play now. Slave play and the role of the submissive is one of the more extreme roles and styles of submissiveness that you can adopt. This is where you are allowing aspects of your everyday life to be given to your dominant. So whether that's giving you tasks every day, that could be anything from doing homework in college to training your ass for anal. I mean, this can go anywhere from mental to physical. This can involve verbal decoration if that's what you're into. This is where parts of your life are given up each day. This isn't just a hey, we're in the bedroom, we're having sex, I'm taking my role. This is a lifestyle that you are taking on as a submissive slave.
So that's kind of one extreme, and it's important to keep in mind that there's so many varying levels, and you're gonna create your own. And this is all based around the limits. This is based around the conversation about consent, based around what you work out with your dom. So then you have those who are the, you know, yes sir, yes master, very very submissive. So this is where decisions are made in the bedroom, after of course, you know, knowing your limits, having a safe word, things of that nature. But things are done, and you are always taking the part of the submissive, where it is an understanding in your sexual relationship that you don't want to make up these decisions. You want to be told what to do. You want to be treated in a certain way, and that is how sex is for you, so you are always submissive. That's what turns you on, that is what arouses you.
So I believe that that's kind of that next step in our generalization here. And then you have kind of the switches. Right, this is where, this is kind of where I've fallen, where you're you know you can lean towards one or the other but you can still kind of verbalize consistently what you want, and not feel like that's inappropriate and so on, as a slave might have a rule that they are not to say these things. Unless of course you use the safe word and you're able to break from that ask, which is kind of expected to be a little bit more verbal in some cases.
So this means primarily that you can be a submissive, and you can also be a dominant. So I kind of put that in the middle of the road, since you can kind of switch there, and so you can choose to have these things. Or you might look at your partner and go okay, today I want to do that to you. This can be a fun way to kind of dip your toe in safely, because you know that you can kind of jump back and forth and find out what feels right to you.
And so then as we're going into kind of the lighter submissive play, we have what's called a brat, and this is also a category I fall heavily into, and that's that idea of you are submissive with the purpose to push the dominant just a little bit over the top. You're kind of giving that sass, you're giving that attitude, you're being a brat knowing it's going to lead to something, something that like really pleasures you.
So for instance, you know, you might have a dom that's like I want you to be ready for me when I get home. You might be like hmm, I don't think I will. You're doing that with the anticipation you are going to get a punishment from your dom, and that's what you enjoy. You know that any tension is good. A tension kind of mentality, like that's, that's a fun thing to adopt in, because you're pushing it, but in the end you know that you are going to submit to whatever punishment or whatever fun thing is like in store for your brattiness. And then you've got like a very light dip the toes into submissive.
And this is how I would recommend, if you aren't confident just switching, and kind of going right into that character in dipping your toes in. So this is where you're perhaps not so sure, but you enjoy things like being spanked, maybe like choking, maybe you just kind of enjoy being tied up a little bit but you aren't sure how far you want to take it. You are kind of just a really light submissive in that regard, and that is where you are searching. That's a fun searching stage, because for all you know you could also be kind of a light dominant. It goes hand in hand with that switching, where it's different levels of how you want to play, and how and what style you want to adopt.
So if you know for a fact that you are submissive at least to some degree, whether you like to switch sometimes or not, you could become a slave if you want aspects of your daily life to be controlled by somebody.
You could be that hard submissive where that is your role every time during sex, you know, that's what gets you off, you know you need a dominant in bed.
You can be that switch where hey, I love it, I absolutely do, unless it's a Wednesday then maybe I absolutely do not.
And you kind of got that in between you can be a brat, where you're giving up that control, not without a fight, and you kind of have that fun. You're pushing your irritating to the point of punishment, and that's what, you know, that's what's arousing to you.
Or you could just dip your foot in, where hey, you know, sometimes I like regular run-of-the-mill, but every once in a while I enjoy to be dominated.
And that's perfectly fantastic! All of these are wonderful, and should never be shamed. it's important to know that, whether or not you and your head believe you are a dom or a sub or a switch, BDSM is for everyone. There's aspects of it that anyone can enjoy and you can bring in, and this does not mean you have to make it a lifestyle choice. But it certainly means, you know, jump in, have fun too. Any capacity that your submissiveness, maybe, there is a place for it here. It is a wonderful beautiful way to, you know, kind of create a deeper form of connection with your partner or partners and with yourself.
So I wish you the best in your journey, your submissive journey, and I would love to know what you believe you are and your experience with it. So definitely post below.
Check it out, there's also a huge range of toys and role-playing assisters and fun stuff that you can find at Naughty Betty's to kind of dip your toes in, or to just like better round out your experience if you are seasoned players.
So have so much fun everyone! I'm Tawney Seren, and i will be back with more on Naughty Betty's.
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