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Kink or fetish? What's the difference and what do they mean?Join Tawney Seren in an exploration of the difference between the two and how to navigate each in your relationships.
Tawney Seren is an author, adult industry assistant/guide, reviewer, and avid reader who loves educating others and herself about the big world of sex. In her free time, she enjoys spending time with her husband and doggo in the Pacific Northwest, writing to-do lists, tackling new projects, and watching re-runs of her favorite shows. You can find her blogging at openbobsbb.com
Kink and Fetish What's the Difference? Video Transcript
Hey everybody its Tawney Seren here with Naughty Betty's and today we're going to talk about kinks and fetishes.
So, a lot of times when you're hearing people talk about kinks and fetishes they have, or they've heard others have, the words can be a bit interchangeable. Sometimes that line between what is a kink and what is a fetish can be blurred but we do know that it means some sort of sexual completion, where it's something that is gratifying for the person. In a lot of conversations where it's still taboo to talk about sex, people can also equate these words to something weird.
Of course, “weird” is never a word that we want to use, and nobody wants to shame based on kinks and fetishes and we shouldn't. I'm going to assume that if you're watching this you might not be familiar with a lot of kinks and fetishes. If you have some of your own, maybe this will bring them to light and show you that it's not something to be ashamed of and it's something that there's a lot of others out there that probably have a very similar fetish if not identical to you.
With regards to kinks and fetishes, there is no exact science to how we get these. A lot of experts do believe that it comes from a younger age when we were really impressionable during that kind of sexually heightened time of our lives. Whether it was going through puberty, whether it was just when we were starting to become aware of our bodies, and something that is associated with that.
For instance, I have a friend who loves yellow sundresses because their first babysitter always used to wear one and then as they were kind of coming of age, they associated that in their mind as something that they really wanted, that they really needed, and now it is something that they enjoy sharing with their partner.
So, whatever the case. Anything under the moon can be a kink or a fetish but what's the difference?
So first let's go into kinks. Kinks are something that you enjoy that might be considered out of the norm but it's not something that you require in order to orgasm.
So, for instance a few kinks of mine: I enjoy spanking, I enjoy bondage play, I enjoy dirty talking, I enjoy light and safe choking. These are things that I like. These are kinks of mine. It's not necessary that I have them in sex in order to feel fulfilled but if they're added in, I get that “Ooh, I like that. That's fun for me” sort of feeling.
There are just hundreds of thousands of kinks but it's important to know that if you have these you shouldn't be shy about you know conversing with your partner or partners about what you like and sharing that with them because that could be really fulfilling for you.
That is what a kink is. So now let's go over to fetish. So, a fetish again can be something that is not very normal. I mean that's normally the definition: that's not something that is very normal, that you feel like you might need to reach orgasm. Like it's something that is very necessary for you and your arousal.
For instance, though there's different levels of it. So, like if I had a foot fetish. Some people with foot fetishes can get off just by looking at feet. Whether it's pictures, whether it's their partners in sandals, whatever the case, just by looking at it they can reach sexual gratification.
Others have to be touching, smelling feet, tasting feet. Something might have to happen. It might even be so specific that feet must be clad in stockings and in heels in order for them to come. It's a personal thing revolving around a foot fetish. Revolving around the need for feet for sexual gratification.
For instance, smashing, like the interest of smashing food, whether it's someone else smashing it with their body, whether it's you smashing it yourself. That varies from person to person but it is something that is outside the norm that you need in order to reach orgasm.
You can have many different fetishes and interchange between them but it's important to understand that when you have a fetish, that's something that you really feel you need and yes there are some situations where you might feel shameful for your fetish or even your kink and that is something that's normal.
It's important to be able to look online realize there's huge communities. A lot of people have a very similar fetish to you and if it's one that is deemed unsafe or not legal there are ways that you can seek getting some sort of assistance for that. So, make sure that you keep it safe, keep it sane, keep it consensual in your fetishes.
Make sure that you do your research with that and don't leave yourself feeling shame for them. For instance, there are some people that have a small penis humiliation fetish which is actually a very large fetish. That is the need to be degraded for the shortness or the length of your dick. Where does this come from?
It can vary from person to person like I've mentioned before, and I'll keep repeating that. It's different for everybody. Not everyone should be clumped in one box and we shouldn't shame each other for this. But the person who is receiving this might get sexual gratification and then later feel bad about themselves or like Why do I need that? Why do I need to be degraded? Why is that a fetish of mine? Or why is that something I pour that into?”
It's important to converse with your partner or partners and understand, for instance in situations where your partner is willing to degrade you for your fetish, that they voice that they don't actually feel that way, that they care for you. They make sure that there's that sort of conversation outside of the heat of arousal so that you are able to kind of reach some comfort with that. And if that continues, there are plenty of different sites and places that you can find some help for that.
I recommend speaking to sexual educators about how to come to terms with that and it will be a later video that we have here at Naughty Betty’s: how to deal with the shame that can sometimes come with fetishes.
But let's pretend you've talked with your partner. You've conversed with them, they're all for it. There's plenty of baby steps with both kinks and fetishes that you can take to bring them into the bedroom.
I've also got a link down below for some toys that would be nice to kind of have some fun. Whether you have a fetish for pet play and that immersive kind of role-playing world or whether you just enjoy spanking and that's your kink and you want to bring some spankers in. There’re some great ideas at the site below so certainly peruse and take a peek because we here at Naughty Betty just want to make sure that you're having your kinky safe fun and you're embracing it having that conversation.
So, also just as a little tidbit, little extra knowledge before you go. If you have a fetish for individual body parts: hands, boobs, but you know an individual there that's called partialism. You might hear if you're reading up on any sort of sex ed blogs, things of that nature, and you might hear that word and that's primarily the fetish for an individual body part, an isolated part. There's a little bit of tidbit for you.
Thank you all so much for letting me teach you the difference between kinks and fetishes and a little idea about how to kind of bring that into the bedroom. Have fun, don't be ashamed, and enjoy. Enjoy very much.
Don't forget to follow and subscribe. We will continue to come back with interviews, guests and more information about BDSM and the wonderful toys that you can bring into the bedroom to explore with so check it out everybody and I can't wait to chat with you again.